You Only Wed Twice
The other day, Sarah posted on her blog that she would be attending her father's wedding over the weekend, and was sure to be back soon with stories of comedy gold. I questioned, somewhat seriously, that if indeed there were stories worth telling, would I be able to write about them honestly and to full comedic effect?
The answer, dear friends and readers, is a resounding "No."
Because I don't want to be the first person in history to ever get dumped over his blog, then, I present for your reading pleasure stories filtered though the space age "Sarah-5000," a new blog-bot guaranteed to not get me in trouble.
Suffer the little children: Because I had to be at the church early with Sarah, I was stuck without much to do while she feted the bride. Bored, I decided to read the Bible - specifically the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus says that anyone who has ever been divorced for reasons other than infertility will go directly to Hell (Do not pass Go.) This led to the following exchange during the reception with one of Sarah's father's oldest friends:
Comments from Sarah-bot: You are so duplicitous it fries my circuits. Also, you can't take the French word fete, and make it an English past-participle.
Heart and Soul: Alone with Sarah's uncle and aunt on Saturday afternoon, we decided to play hearts. Now, I play anywhere from 10 to 20 games of Hearts a DAY, and will not lose for love nor money. Thankfully, I wasn't put in that situation because we couldn't get four players. Instead, a lovely game of gin was decided upon. I wound up tying with Sarah's aunt three games a piece.
Comments from Sarah-bot: Sarah-bot knows you count cards. You should never have put down that 7 of clubs when you knew your oppenent needed it for Gin. It's almost as if you...Sarah-bot is intrigued by this human concept you call "love."
We are Family: While not so much a story, I would be remiss if I didn't write about how much everyone I met made me feel like a real part of the family, and welcomed me with kindness and generosity of spirit. From Sarah's cousins who shared cigars and tales from Sarah's past, to her uncles and aunts who listened to my boring speeches about writing, to her father and new step mom who invited me in the first place. To love is great, but to be loved is sometimes even greater.
Comments from Sarah-bot: I seem to be leaking fluid out of my eye socket. Heart pounding. Must stop leaking before.........fizzzzzzzzzzzzzle.........power downnnnnn.
(peaks out from behind keyboard) Is the robot gone? Oh thank god. My plan worked! So, as I was saying, the best story of 'em all concerns what I like to call "An Unusual Lap Dance...."
On second thought, I'm saving that one for leverage.
Comments from Sarah-bot: gurgle, chort...Wise choice.
The other day, Sarah posted on her blog that she would be attending her father's wedding over the weekend, and was sure to be back soon with stories of comedy gold. I questioned, somewhat seriously, that if indeed there were stories worth telling, would I be able to write about them honestly and to full comedic effect?
The answer, dear friends and readers, is a resounding "No."
Because I don't want to be the first person in history to ever get dumped over his blog, then, I present for your reading pleasure stories filtered though the space age "Sarah-5000," a new blog-bot guaranteed to not get me in trouble.
Suffer the little children: Because I had to be at the church early with Sarah, I was stuck without much to do while she feted the bride. Bored, I decided to read the Bible - specifically the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus says that anyone who has ever been divorced for reasons other than infertility will go directly to Hell (Do not pass Go.) This led to the following exchange during the reception with one of Sarah's father's oldest friends:
"Hi, I'm Shawn, nice to meet you."
"I know who you are. I sat in front of you during the service. I saw you reading the Bible."
"Why yes! Yes I was! (as loudly as possible, hoping Sarah's Dad would hear) I WAS INDEED READING THE BIBLE!"
"I know who you are. I sat in front of you during the service. I saw you reading the Bible."
"Why yes! Yes I was! (as loudly as possible, hoping Sarah's Dad would hear) I WAS INDEED READING THE BIBLE!"
Comments from Sarah-bot: You are so duplicitous it fries my circuits. Also, you can't take the French word fete, and make it an English past-participle.
Heart and Soul: Alone with Sarah's uncle and aunt on Saturday afternoon, we decided to play hearts. Now, I play anywhere from 10 to 20 games of Hearts a DAY, and will not lose for love nor money. Thankfully, I wasn't put in that situation because we couldn't get four players. Instead, a lovely game of gin was decided upon. I wound up tying with Sarah's aunt three games a piece.
Comments from Sarah-bot: Sarah-bot knows you count cards. You should never have put down that 7 of clubs when you knew your oppenent needed it for Gin. It's almost as if you...Sarah-bot is intrigued by this human concept you call "love."
We are Family: While not so much a story, I would be remiss if I didn't write about how much everyone I met made me feel like a real part of the family, and welcomed me with kindness and generosity of spirit. From Sarah's cousins who shared cigars and tales from Sarah's past, to her uncles and aunts who listened to my boring speeches about writing, to her father and new step mom who invited me in the first place. To love is great, but to be loved is sometimes even greater.
Comments from Sarah-bot: I seem to be leaking fluid out of my eye socket. Heart pounding. Must stop leaking before.........fizzzzzzzzzzzzzle.........power downnnnnn.
(peaks out from behind keyboard) Is the robot gone? Oh thank god. My plan worked! So, as I was saying, the best story of 'em all concerns what I like to call "An Unusual Lap Dance...."
On second thought, I'm saving that one for leverage.
Comments from Sarah-bot: gurgle, chort...Wise choice.
7 Comments:
Diversity relations: Post-wedding, Shawn and I excitedly journeyed to Blockbuster to rent our fave, "Sideways," only to find it was completely out of stock. Not willing to go home empty handed, we searched for an alternative and finding ourselves in the Drama section, I giggled and jokingly suggested a somewhat provacative title I saw on the shelf.
Me: "How about this movie "CHINESE BOX."
Shawn: "No, honey, that's your dad. In fact he's got a front row seat to that now."
Comments from Sarah-bot: You ignorant human! Don't you know she's Vietnam-- (suddenly plagued with uncontrollable laughter)
By
Princess_Sarah, at 10:43 PM
Okay now I waited all weekend for a terrific story and you are scared to share for fear of the one you love? I love this women, she is already training you. God bless her!
By
the dot, at 6:43 PM
It's only because you speak the truth, thedot, that your comment isn't being deleted. :)
By
Shawn, at 6:51 PM
hey brother, your blog's turned quiche and I'm not eating.
By
fattyhidalgo, at 8:38 PM
Dot and Fatty, no really you are better off just not knowing ... we are all better off just not knowing. Trust us we know what's good for you.
By
Princess_Sarah, at 9:06 PM
Please just share I have to have details! These bits are driving me crazy!
By
the dot, at 7:42 AM
Uh, isn't that why email was invented... you know for all those blog entries that you just can't post.
By
Ian, at 4:35 PM
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